First of all, apologies for the delays in replying to personal messages and approving comments on the blog. I am slowly working my way through my inbox…and I will answer everyone.
The question that I am asked the most is “is this really rOCD or I have fallen out of love?” I will try to answer this question the best I can, so please bear with me…
- I would start by saying that this is a decision that you make. It might seem counterintuitive but in the end after weighing all of the “evidence” and advice from others, it is your personal decision.
- The question “is this really rOCD?” is a misleading question. What you should be asking is ” is this really OCD?” This is one of the biggest mistakes that people make – not asking the right question. If you understand the difference between these two questions and how it will impact your recovery, you are onto a good start.
- The question “is this OCD?” is a question that should be answered with the help of a professional. I understand that for some of you, it might be difficult or scary to find this help. I would suggest to further educate yourself about OCD, especially the obsessive part of it. With better knowledge will come better understanding. With this you can have a more meaningful discussion with a professional.
- The question “have I fallen out of love?” is a difficult and simple question to answer at the same time. This is the paradox of love. This is where most of the rOCD sufferers spend their thinking time. We are multi-dimensional beings and for different people this means different things. There is not one right answer! Some people will put more emphasis on one dimension than the other. Here are some examples of this multidimensionality:
If you are suffering from anxiety, depression and OCD maybe it is unrealistic to expect that you will fully connect with other people on these 4 dimensions. If you are trying to find answers or clues in any of these dimensions, when your “answering device” is not working properly, then most likely you are getting lost in your thoughts. Presenting evidence and counter-evidence to yourself. The best solution would be to focus on the first part of the question – the OCD bit not the “r” bit.
What you do ends up being more important than the time you spend thinking. Take an action approach to problem solving. Go for a run, practice mindfulness, do something fun, speak with your doctor about medication, etc. Even if it is difficult. Commit yourself to positive change. This is the most important step in your recovery journey. Happiness in the end is a byproduct of something that you do. Not something that just happens to you.