About

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I am me. rOCD is a little tiny portion of my life because I will not let it define me and I do not let it bother me. I acknowledge its presence but I do not pay much attention to it. This blog is for all rOCD sufferers that would like to move forward and hopefully will help them take their first steps to recovery.

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I am a rOCD sufferer. And going through my rOCD journey was one of the most difficult and confusing periods of my life. I have started this blog as an attempt to help all those that are going through their rOCD journeys. And like me in the past,  find it very difficult to  find happiness and joy in everyday living. I am glad to say, that today, rOCD does not control me anymore and I live a very happy life with my beautiful wife.

I would like to focus this blog on finding ways to moving forward instead of getting trapped in our own thinking (which caused rOCD in the first place!).

34 comments

  1. Just wanted to say THANK YOU for this blog, it is really helpful and well written. I have been struggling for 7 months now but thanks to therapy and medication and sites like these I have made progress.

    1. Hi Lancashire, thanks for the kind words. I am glad that you managed to snap out of “thinking mode” into “action mode”. Good luck in your recovery!

  2. Thanks a lot for this wonderful site…It’s very helpful…after a long time searching about my “problem” I found this and I feel much comforted now…

  3. Hi there! May I say what a great site this is, the advice you give us clearly and compassionately written. I have suffered from ROCD since late 2007, it was several agonising months before I found any answers. I have my ‘well’ periods where the rocd seems to be a horrible but distant memory, and my agonising periods , numbness, doubts, anxiety. I have come to realise lately that even when I am well l am living in a status quo state, the things that make me spike normally don’t have the same impact, but im aware that it may not last. Of all the treatments I have researched or tried mindfullness meditation seems to hold the most promise. I would be most intrigued to read more and correspond with you.

    1. Thanks for the kind comments. Yes, I do believe in mindfulness attitude as a way of life. Once you become better at it you are more equipped to ride the waves of anxiety. And above all is trying to be comfortable with the uncomfortable and accepting that you will have good and bad days like every human being on this planet. The only difference is that our focus is much more on the relationship…hence the “O” in ROCD! Feel free to drop me a line anytime.

  4. I wanted to say that this blog is great, a few months ago I researched this and couldn’t find anything new or personal online. I also fear the fact that this isn’t classified as a real disorder makes it hard for people to believe they have it. That being said, I researched this because my partner has OCD and when we were having problems they were not right, and typical in all the ways you describe your feelings. I approached him on this subject only to be dismissed, I told him that I wouldn’t leave and I understand this could get hard but I truly believed he had this… We separated and are trying to work things out He left me because he didn’t love me as much as I love him and I didn’t make him happy… A few months later he wants to work things out and within a week he was questioning his decision again… I am reading this blog thinking this is him how can I help him! But then get soo frustrated because its overwhelming and it’s really up to him to realize his OCD got worse and now has affected us. I want to help him I truly love him, this is very hard on me because he does make up false imperfections and can not let go of a bad mood I was in. Looking for some guidance, thank you.

    1. Hi there

      ROCD is a real disorder – check this out. http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd – the problem is that people think that in order to get better from ROCD they need to sort out the relationship. The thing that they need to really sort out is their OCD. OCD can mutate into a lot of different themes – relationships, paedophilia fears, religious fears, homossexual, etc. The underlying disease is OCD, the theme is secondary. I really admire people like you that support their partners. But you cannot do his own work for him as you have realised. Your best bet is to try and motivate him to learn a bit more about ROCD and see what he thinks about it and if he wants to look for help.

  5. Hi,
    like everyone esle here, I just wanted to tell you, Blip, that your blog is really well documented and full of great tips that will certainly help people like us to deal with their ROCD.
    I’ve been suffering from ROCD for about a year and a half now and during my two years relationship, I’ve spent more time with the thoughts than without them. That’s so difficult to cope with, but reading posts like yours and everyonelse’s is a kind of light in the dark tunnel I feel trapped in. I haven’t read all the posts yet as I just discovered the blog, but I will take the time to do this.
    I fond it very hard to live with this kind of OCD, moreover when it’s not a common OCD theme, that is, it’s rarely understood by people around us.
    So thank you for all the content of this blog and for the feeling of understanding that you bring to ROCD sufferers.

  6. dear yellstar,
    u are in exactly the same position as i was 6months ago. this was until i discovered rocd existed. i have done endless research and studied my partner to try and make his life and our relationship easier. fortunatly i now know how he feels during a bad spell of rocd, this has helped my ‘feelings’ emensly. i loved your blog and i sympathise totally. i woukd love to chat and maybe i can give you ideas of what to look out for when it begins, what to do during and how to help yourself as well as them xx

  7. Not again- I could really use some tips how can we make this happen? Things have been really difficult lately and I have been holding on hoping to help as best I can.

  8. Hi
    I need some help.
    Almost 4 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 years walked out and left me, he just came home from work and said he had to leave. He’d been away the week before to Italy to a friend’s wedding (we couldn’t afford for us both to go) He just kept saying that he hadn’t missed me as much as he thought he would when he was away and that that must mean something and he needed space, he said he loved me so much but he didn’t know what was wrong with his head.. 2 days before he went away he was begging me not to dump him which i had no intention of doing as we were so happy and solid. I thought we were forever. A week later he told me it was because he couldn’t deal with the kids (mine from an earlier marraige) although he was very active and good with them. Another week later he told me he hadn’t been happy for 2 months which i knew wasn’t true he’s been so happy since we got to together. From the very beginning it was him who pursued me he was relentless which was very flattering, we got together and we were so happy. He constantly throughout our time together asked me not to leave him and i always reassured him that nothing could be further from my mind. To all our friends and family he was happy and settled and everybody is in complete shock that he’s gone. His parents came to see meand were so upset his Dad said we were soul mates and he doesn’t know what’s happenes, he’d just been to their house and cried for 2 hours telling his parents how much he loved me. A friend who i went to for support put the idea of his OCD being a factor, i never (nor did his family) thought his OCD was a problem, it was something we lived with and accepted. He’s very tidy, everything has to be put in straight lines, he rings the bank everyday to check his account and drives to the cash till to get a mini statement every other day, he gets fixated with things and thinks or talks about them constantly before he moves onto the next thing.He overthinks things constantly as he works alone and at times he can convince himself that things that aren’t true are!! I looked at OCD on the internet and came across ROCD which when i read about it gave me a ‘light bulb’ moment. So many things i’ve read are spot on with him. I’d like somebody who lives with ROCD or their partner to let me know what they think, do you think he could be suffering from ROCD or am i clutching at straws? I am desperate for advice.

    1. Rocd is likely because of his OCD past and ruminations. please direct him to the blog and see if he can relate to any of that. We can also have a chat on skype if you want.

  9. Thanks for your reply Blip. I’m working on getting him to look at ROCD and trying to get him to see that it is ‘real’. It’s really hard because he now has it stuck in his head that he’s not been happy, when i remind him of all the happy things we’ve done together and how he showed me and everybody else how happy he was he just says he was ‘trying’ which is heart breaking.

  10. Thank you so much for this blog. I feel so much relief and peace reading it… I felt so alone and now I know I’m not. I am hoping to write a guest post someday as I am in the middle of my recovery process. Talk to you again soon! :)

  11. I really appreciate your blog. I’ve went through this before and am going through it again now. It physically and mentally drains me to the point where I want to cease to exist. Knowing that I’m not alone in my thoughts and fears has helped me greatly. I am waiting in help at the moment and I’m determined not to give up and throw away something that I know is worth fighting for. Thanks.

  12. Hi,

    I wanted to thank you for creating this blog. Most of the information you provide I have read or heard about through OCD websites and books but also through CBT therapy sessions.

    Moreover, your blog is helpful because I have learned a bunch of new approaches, techniques and perspectives you give that apply mostly to rOCD sufferers. Every tip you provide I copy into my phone, this way I can remember and use it when I need to.

    I have been practicing compulsions and self destructive behaviors for about 10 years now. This past year I came to realize I have rOCD for the first time in my life. Every time I read your blog I recognize my behaviors instantly. It is truly amazing for me. I wish to recover from this illness because I want to start a family in a couple of years with my current partner.

    Please keep posting more tips. I now know there is hope.

    Kenia

  13. Hello there, I wanted to ask you a question. I didn’t know where to put it. So… I know for 99% I have rOCD. I constantly doubted if I loved him etc, but my focus wentto this to: What if i fall in love with someone else (and then especially one person, who i see everyday). This person is a friend, not even that. And i know that I don’t like him. When i’m with my boyfriend the thoughts go away. When i see the other boy i just want to run away. I don’t want to see him. I’m going crazy!! Why can’t I just stop thinking about the other person? And by thijking so much about him, i’m thinking; if I think so muhbabout him I must be falling in love with him.

    1. that is the perfect example of distorted thinking in rOCD. The paradox is that because you don’t want to think about something you will think more about it!

  14. Thank you so much for this blog!!! I have been so lost for 2 years now, but I’m not letting this ruin my life or my relationship. I am going to start mindfulness, and I’m already on my way to find a new therapist :) Thanks, thanks so much. You have no idea how wonderful your blog is.

  15. Hi there,
    I’ve been struggling for 4 years, and I’m feeling very lost. I’m married to a wonderful man who I love more than life but I struggle with a few things. His looks and I fear I’m going to leave him. Have you ever met anyone who obsessed over those two aspects, and if so, how to you overcome?

    Thanks for all of this content! I’m reading your book now :)

  16. Hi, I bought your book and find it very helpful, so thank you a lot! I have one thing that is worrying me a lot tho. You mention in your book that a professional should make the diagnosis about OCD. I went to see psychiatrist but in her opinion this wasn’t OCD although she admitted that my thoughts are obsessive… I am now really confused because I myself find that all the rOCD symptoms fit me exactly. This really took away a lot of hope from me in a way and now I feel really puzzled if I should believe her or not. Have you had or heard similar experience and what is your opinion? My real therapist on the other hand seems to understand and take me seriously. Thank you again for your help!

    1. Hi there – thanks for the kind comments! In regards to your experience:

      1) Psychiatrists use the DSM manual to diagnose psychiatric disorders.
      2) Some psychiatrists rely on it more than others and there is still a lot of discussion about “properly” diagnosing mental disorders. http://www.nhs.uk/news/2013/08august/Pages/controversy-mental-health-diagnosis-and-treatment-dsm5.aspx
      3)Some psychiatrists do not like to label conditions, others do and some have extensive experience of OCD and others don’t.
      4) Some prefer psychoanalysis over other treatment methods.
      4) With all these in mind, you would have to ask your psychiatrists why she does not believe you have OCD.

  17. During your time with ROCD, did you or someone else you know suffered with extreme preoccupation with your wife’s attractiveness? where you may feel that i am not attracted but finds attractive all toher women outside. So if i am not attracted to her i am not happy and that needs to be there, that she needs to be beautiful and i need to feel lust toward her and turned on when i look at her, ….or something in the same line? or would this be something else like perfectionism, BDD OCD

    1. Yes, a lot of the people that I speak with go through a stage like this. But the truth is that if it is not this it will be something else…

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